True stories from real, infamous Witches’ archives:

I prayed to the Full Moon for the mate of my choice — only to get an Incubus I can’t get rid of!  To banish Him, I used a mirror in a silver bowl with Ocean water.

Obviously It didn’t work, but how, and how can I fix this now? I mean, my family’s at stake, for Goddess’ sake!

Replace your magical stalker with a helpful enity conjured since ancient times.

Invoke an olde, ever-present, grandmotherly spirit who’ll always be duly protective of you and even aid your housework (read, The Greek Magical Papyri, Including the Demotic Spells as cited in my The Goodly Spellbook: Olde Spells For Modern Problems).

Her manner puts to rout not only possesive Incubi, but all ungoodly mortal males, so that you rightly attract and receive the support and love from a mortal other, you long for and deserve.

I’m totally poor and live with the ghost of a young girl who died of asthma in the project where I live. The she-ghost drops marbles on my stairs 24/7, ruining my concentration and attempts to better myself. I tried banishing her using Lavender, Sage, and Rosemary: She didn’t budge, and more, is acting out worse than ever.

What did I do wrong?

You chose spell ingredients that appeal to carnate Beings — and not those fit for dismissing  incarnate souls or “angry ghosts”, as this poltergeist is.

Lavender, Sage, and Rosemary instill a feeling of love in mortals, but are therefore ungoodly, non-traditional ghost-banishing herbs.

If you wish to dispell your ghost, do so by burning Mugwort which grows freely in Appalachia, or Asafoetida, widely available at organic health food stores or at your doorstep via the Internet.

To get rid of a ghost, you need a “stank smellin’” herb, and these are noxious examples of such.

Because I was mad at my wife for making me vacuum, I worked a spell to make her stop demanding that I help clean the house. As my main magical ingredient, I broke a real gold necklace of hers (I know gold’s sacred to males.) In response, I suffered an immediate broken arm. How did I go wrong?

By stealing a magical ingredient from your spell target.

Since you stole her gold necklace, the Sun sacred to the gold (the metal of which equates with males via magical correspondences) turned against you. The Sun knew you should have been powerful enough to wield the vacuum in the first place.

Bottom line: Witches are honest to a fault, so you should have simply been honest with your wife about your feelings on the matter.

Better yet, the Goddesses would have blessed you had you tackled your wife’s request with aplomb.

I’m a gay male who wears an amber ring on his right hand, but who has since I donned it there, experienced an inordinant amount of ‘bad luck’. Why?

Because amber is sacred to the Mother and, therefore, associated with the left, move the ring to your left hand and you’ll receive abundant good luck!

I’ve lost 2 kids already to the Department of Social Services. I’m a good Pagan mother, yet now my third son is in DSS custody/court contention. I’ve become a Hecate devotee and She swears I’ll keep him. I’ve no doubt pissed Her off by attending Church recently. I’ve made amends and now She seems in my corner. How can I be sure She loves and will help me?

You know already.

Unlike Yahweh, Hecate is not a distant Goddes: Indeed, She appears early and often and give much divine input to those who propitiate Her.

As with any spell or worry, when in doubt, seek an omen of divine origin: Go into a doorway, stand directly beneath its overhead dolmen, then appeal to the God Janus (God of Past and Future). Ask for an immediate omen about the matter from not only Hiim, but the millions of God/desses that exist.

Cover your ears and eyes for a time. When the timing feels right, uncover them, and note the first omen you receive. Also, throughout the day, note omens and portents you receive that have meaning pertaing to your question.

For example, if you ask “Should I run errands today”? and the first thing you hear is an ambulance siren, then the answer’s “No”. If, on the other hand, you hear a cheery bird whistle, then the answer’s “Yes”, and so forth.

Lady Passion is co-author of The Goodly Spellbook: Olde Spells For Modern Problems and High Priestess of Coven Oldenwilde in Asheville, NC. She may be reached via: www.oldenwilde.org