Playwright Tom Stoppard once said, “Words are sacred. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones, in the right order, you can nudge the world a little.” I couldn’t agree more. Yet I have also seen how words – and the way we order them – can make us come off as elitist in the way we think the world should be nudged. Even if we are right, and our arguments for our causes are impeccable, if we have in any way come off as arrogant, intolerant, isolating or condescending to whom we feel is an opponent we want to win over to “our” side, then our words may indeed have power – but the wrong kind of power.

I mentioned in my January 2008 column titled “Authentcity” how “buzzwords” that are common within a particular peer group or community can be very harmful, even if that is not the conscious intention. Quoting from what I wrote in that column, “Although we generally mean well when using them, some buzzwords and phrases can be weapons of mass spiritual self-destruction when used by the oh-so-clever ego to make us feel superior over another whom we smugly feel “just hasn’t gotten it.” When we use language as a weapon to wound or deflate someone we feel superior to, our words can have a boomerang effect, and once spoken you can never “un-speak” them. It’s over and done. You can only try and repair the damage you created after the fact. Words that foster separation between you and others can come back to haunt you and make you feel regret – although not consciously unless you begin to live with increased empathy and acceptance toward all human beings 24/7/365, not just the ones you feel are those who “get it” – because, to be bluntly honest, if you or anyone you hang with who adopts a superior attitude over fellow human beings in any way, for any reason, has so not gotten it.

As the result of my own broader and clearer observations about the power and impact of words, language and communication, I looked deeply at the use of the word “spiritual.” This particular word has been part of my vocabulary ever since I can remember, and yet I have come to really see that it is a term that is highly interpretive, and often misunderstood between the intention extended and the reception of the person on the other end of the communication after passing through their various filters. I’ve also watched how, over recent years in particular, when I used the word “spiritual” I could feel people judging me as though they thought I was some sort of New Age cosmic wacko, and not simply someone who was interested in what I consider (obviously for lack of a better term) the “spiritual” part of what I feel is an aspect of every human being’s makeup.

And to top it off, I also began to see how much people recoiled from the word “etiquette” as though they thought I was some frenzied high and mighty moralist who was just itching to smack them over the head! The reality behind my long-held passion about “spiritual etiquette” is actually a) based on the principle of “The Golden Rule” - to treat others in the manner you wish to be treated yourself. It is a humanitarian-based sentiment and reaches beyond the boundaries of religious and spiritual ideals, gender, race and political alliances and socio-economic variances, and b) about fearlessly talking about the elephants and naked emperors in the middle of the room that so many in the vast “spiritual” community would rather deny (especially if someone has deemed that elephant sacred – or worse, if they are the naked emperor being disrobed), pour phoney “love and light” glitter over (while they act in the complete opposite manner), ignore, or merely pretend isn’t there.

Because inclusiveness is so important to me in a world that is heartbreakingly being pulled apart by intolerance and non-acceptance of our differences, I reached a point internally where I knew I must reframe all I do and say to fall under the umbrella of authentic, boundary-free humanitarian interconnection. That included a major shift change in my outer-world work, resulting in training to become a Conflict Mediator, and working within a more “mainstream” arena and audience than the one I’ve been hanging with for many, many years. And although I intend to keep on writing for Oracle 20/20 Magazine, beginning with the April 2008 issue, my column title and the contents within each one will reflect a more inclusive perspective than it has during the past five years. It is my deepest hope that the power of the words contained within each one will be both clearly received and will help inspire you to begin to look at all you do – how you speak, how you write, your non-verbal communications, even how you dress – and to discover ways that you too can communicate with a greater sense of humanitarian inclusion, acceptance and respect of the entire populace. It is my deepest belief that this is the only way we will all become mediators and peace-builders within our own life circles, and extend open bridges instead of erecting impenetrable walls.

Suzanne Matthiessen combines Transformative Conflict Mediation and Applied Mindfulness skills. Please visit her new website CommunicatingHumanity.org
for more information. The interim site is still spiritualetiquette.com.