Most of you know that childhood rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones – but words will never hurt me.” Some of you are also familiar with the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And while I agree with both sentiments to some degree, I also know that words have the power to hurt people – especially when they come from someone whose opinion matters deeply to us, even if we hold a high level of self-esteem. Along the same lines, words can unite or divide us, comfort or frighten us, enlighten us or keep us in ignorance. Words create impressions, images and expectations and impact how we subconsciously perceive and consciously think. Since thoughts extend into actions, there’s a powerful correlation between the words we use and what we create on the outer plane.

Also, one must also note that what we don’t say is deeply affecting to others, as well as what people hear we say – and very often, what people hear is not what we intended at all. Each of us has our filters through which everything we take in – words, body language, another person’s silence, etc. – determines our interpretation. It is no surprise how easy it can be for any communication to be horribly mistaken by the receiver(s). And if the other party is not listening, not being fully present to what we are saying verbally or writing in an email, the odds are that our message will not be comprehended in the way we intended, and worse, may be totally ignored.

On the flip side, sometimes it is actually better if we don’t take the words directed toward us to heart if they are being used to tear us down, discourage us, instill fear, cling to false hopes, or create within us a variety of mental or emotional states that can harm us. Here’s a little story that illustrates that both a) Encouraging words offered to someone who is struggling can help inspire them to keep going, and b) Destructive words cast toward someone who is struggling can definitely have negative effects if they allow those words to penetrate deeply.

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.

The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out.

When he got out, the other frogs said, “Did you not hear us?” The frog explained to them in froggy sign language that he was deaf. He thought their passionate yelling and waving of their little froggy arms was actually cheering him on the entire time.

- author unknown

As writer and storyteller M. Scott Momaday said, “Words are intrinsically powerful. They are magical. By means of words can one bring about physical change in the universe. By means of words can one quiet the raging weather, bring forth the harvest, ward off evil, rid the body of sickness and pain, subdue an enemy, capture the heart of a lover, live in the proper way, and venture beyond death.”

As a fellow writer, I have a natural fascination with words and the use of language to communicate. I know some people are hasty with their choice of verbiage, while others are extremely precise and will consciously calculate the response they want their words to elicit. Emotional appeals, “spin,” misdirection, lies, propaganda and similar control tactics via the use of words can override our common sense, trigger us, and cause us to behave in ways that may even be opposite to our basic nature. Teenagers and adults alike can fall into gossiping about others, which can be extremely mean-spirited, and yet also can make them feel like they belong, which is one of the most basic human needs.

The power words have to affect all sorts of people has been documented scientifically, so this isn’t just applicable to “hyper-sensitive” people. For example, scientists discovered that simply hearing sentences about elderly people led research subjects to walk more slowly. In other research, when individuals read words that express loving-kindness their actions expressed increased compassion, improved mood, and greater overall calmness.

Over the past year in particular, I have been acutely aware of the use of language more than ever. Watching the presidential debates, as well as simply becoming more mindfully empathetic and compassionate overall has prompted part of this increased focus. I am now much more cautious in what I say and how I listen to the words around me, and pay close attention to what can cause greater separation between human beings. Much of what we may not feel is divisive communication actually can cause more separation than we realize. As I have said many times before (and which echoes my thoughts above), our good intentions are not enough.

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