Over the past few weeks the subject of jealousy and envy came up several times in various scenarios within the wide range of people that populate my life. When something shows up so profoundly in a short stretch of time in so many diverse places, it feels to me it’s an issue that suddenly is “up” for a chunk of the collective populace. Jealousy is a hot button topic, and since I love diving into the juicy area of the pool that many like to avoid, discussing it openly appeals to me. We are at a time when the shadow places inside we resist facing for as long as possible must be put upon the table with bright lights cast upon it. If we approach such a daunting task with self-compassion, courage, humor and a sense of adventure, we can frame these encounters in a way that we undertake the process as service to collective humanity.

So take a deep breath - or ten - and let’s do more than dip our toes into the murky waters of jealousy and envy as both receivers and perpetrators. If you do so feeling the support I am extending to anyone who reads this column, it will be much easier. Safety in numbers, as the expression goes – and actually, if you tap into the network of teachers both past and present who dedicated their lives to shedding the light of knowledge they’ve gained and humbly wish to share with anyone that may benefit, you will find that you are never alone in this journey.

The phrase “green-eyed monster” as a visual portrayal of jealousy was first used in Shakespeare’s play Othello, and it indeed conjures up quite the mental picture.

“Oh beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.”

Shakespeare also wrote a very profound line in the play The Comedy of Errors: “How many fond fools serve mad jealousy?” It has been my observation that each of us have been “fond fools” at least once during this lifetime, and indeed jealousy can escalate to the point of madness if gone unchecked.

We live in a culture where jealousy and envy are actually nurtured as destructive power tools, and women appear to be more vulnerable to its snare than men due to deep samskaric impressions carved in our personal operating systems for eons. However, both genders use jealousy and envy because they perceive them to have a beneficial payoff, but in reality they are extremely poisonous on a spiritual level to ourselves and to anyone we cast this type of energy toward. Jealousy and envy are tied to unhealthy competition, manipulation by guilt, insecurity, malicious gossip, resentment, fear-based suspicion and destruction of trust, and all sorts of darker behaviors that reflect a compromise in personal integrity as well as an imbalance in self-esteem.

Humans tend to employ fostering jealousy as a means to bolster their sense of worth in the eyes of others, but it is a highly flawed strategy that translates into a shaky house of cards: if whatever device we are using to elicit the jealous response we seek (and the depraved sense of convoluted joy it gives the person intending that response) crumbles, we are naked and exposed from behind the curtain of mere appearances. People whose only sense of value is based upon the prestige level of their “stuff” and economic prowess, as well as those who rely upon their physical attributes, charm and/or sexual appeal or social status to open doorways for them suffer from extreme self-imposed humiliation and subsequent depression when the tides turn. Humans use jealousy to obtain validation and reassurance in a highly controlling and codependent manner in relationships and friendships, and often they can never receive enough of either if they are using the relationship to fill an empty hole within them – scarcity mentality personified. Jealousy and envy are also barricades to fully experiencing oneness with all humanity.

As with many neurotic mental patterns, jealousy and envy are free will choices we make, although many who are within their tenacious grip can’t see that right away. It is a contagious behavioral pattern that is actually addictive in the sense it often gives the person choosing to follow its dark pathway a rush that takes them away from what they perceive as the mundane and into the cauldron of cheap drama and excitement. If egged on to extreme levels, jealousy devolves us into rage so all-encompassing it causes us to destroy relationships, careers, physical well-being, and even the life of another, either by actual murder or the obsessive revenge tactics of defamation, slander and a whole slew of actions that can rob whomever someone perceives as their opponent of their health, financial resources, friends and more.

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