Spiritual Etiquette
in the World Spiritual Maturity
by Suzanne Matthiessen
There are many people in my “boomer” generation
who’ve been around the block spiritually, a bazillion times,
especially if they were part of the expansion of consciousness wave
of the late 60s and early 70s. We’ve “been there and
done that” when it comes to checking out the possible roads
to “enlightenment”—from mind-expanding drugs to
hippie communes to sitting at the feet of the Gurus du Jour. We’ve
read lots of books: from Be Here Now and Autobiography of a Yogi,
and onward through every sort of abundance, channeling, crystals,
spiritual warrior, inner wound healing and manifestation tomes (and
anything else in between) that might give us Answers to the Big Questions.
We are a well-read and well-experienced bunch. Some might think they
know it all, or at least, a heck of a lot. And that would be a fair
assumption to make—that is, unless someone’s level of
sophistication and experience has made them smug about the whole
matter, to the point of energetically projecting they have it all
down and have figured it all out. But a lofty stance such as this
is yet another trap, another landmine on the road to spiritual awakening.
The reality is, the more you think you know—you don’t
know a damn thing.
I’ve had two interesting examples of this in the past couple
months, which prompted much reflection and meditation on the matter.
One was from a man who became combative when I asked him if he’d
ever felt his ego might be invested in what he was espousing to the
people on his e-list. I made a general comment about how the ego
is really tough for all of us to completely transcend, no matter
how much work we’ve done and knowledge we’ve absorbed
over the years. I was looking to engage in a productive dialogue
about this matter with him, as we’re both teachers and know
one another on a personal level as well, and I thought it might be
fun and mutually beneficial to talk in a peer-to-peer mode. I approached
him with the spirit of knowing full well we all have our blind spots,
and sometimes it’s helpful to have a spiritual friend point
them out in a non-attacking manner. He has a sense of humor, so I
was hoping we could laugh about our human-ness.
However, he came back at me not only with very defensive energy,
but, as he’s quite intelligent, verbiage that would intimidate
most. After two email exchanges that clearly were not productive,
I moved out of the way of the attack, as it just wasn’t worth
it. You can’t make someone see what he or she is unable to
see; nor is it good spiritually etiquette to even try. It’s
not like he’s harming anyone…except perhaps himself.
The second situation is what prompted
me to write this month’s column. I recently did a radio interview
that was streamed live on the internet and is also available as a
download. A friend of mine sent a copy of the interview to his friend,
another old spiritual road dog like we both are. She came back with
a semi-hostile attitude that basically said, “Well, there’s
nothing new here.” Of course, it never was implied there was;
my friend just had told her he felt I was doing some good work that
may be useful for others. There is nothing new out there—yet
quite often we can hear old wisdom with new ears, depending on our
readiness for the information at the time. The basic principles of
spiritual etiquette aren’t anything I personally take credit
for; in fact, they really are just common sense.
But for some reason this woman got really plugged in, saying to the
effect that anyone who has been around since the early consciousness
movement days knows this stuff. Well duh! Of course they do—the
question is: have they taken it from head knowledge to something
that frames the way they live their lives in every moment? After
all, thirty-plus years is a long time to be given to embody the work,
right? And, isn’t the fact that there are people out there
upholding these principles by example simply a good thing that we
need more, not less of?
Something else she wrote also had the scent of the egoic reaction
I saw in the previous situation. There was a bit of spiritual elitism
over a more-or-less accepted spiritual principle. Many people like
myself come to a place along the way of understanding that Life is
not just either/or black and white dualism—that day merges
into night, masculine possesses feminine, etc. Unified states of
consciousness see the world in terms of compliments, not as separate,
opposing forces. I happened to make a comment about “healthy” vs. “unhealthy” needs
for approval during my interview, and this person pounced on me for
being dualistic! I couldn’t help but laugh about the absurdness
of her accusation. Can’t I say “healthy” and “unhealthy” without
being judged “dualistic” for it?
But what really has me puzzled is why either of these people were
so critical and attacking of a fellow spiritual companion—one
who is coming from a sincere desire to be of service and isn’t
harming anyone? It’s not like I am sleeping with students or
charging absurd fees for workshops or thinking I am special in any
way for the work I feel called to do. Don’t we need to support
one another in a world so out of balance?
