The sky seemed to reflect my inner
reality. Approaching dusk, dark flat clouds filled the sky in the
west. There was just a hint of white, silvery-light shining around
their edges. I had been in that “Questioning and Wondering” state
for close to three days now. Tonight felt like I had hit my nadir.
I just wanted a clear signal from God. I just wanted to know that
I was doing the right thing, heard him accurately and was on the
right path.
Sound familiar? It doesn’t matter your background, business
or income. It’s probably the question of the human condition.
It seems more noticeable in times of stress – real or imagined.
On our evening walks I like to follow the path around the block
going west and watch the approaching sunset. That night Angel wanted
to walk the block across the street and head east. Angel won. I
spent the next few minutes as I often do in a walking meditation.
A thought slipped into my consciousness. “Tell Sandi that
money is not an issue; whatever she needs is hers.” I heard
it, acknowledged that I would call her and went back to asking
God for a sign that I was following his will.
Now walking south, I kept being drawn to the cloud show in the
west. As the dark clouds were gliding south their true essence
seemed to be revealed. Behind them was another layer of clouds
and they were bright, billowing shining-white. They were more than
a silver lining they were whole and complete. Within moments they
seemed to smile back in joy and turned golden yellow, pink and
orange.
I felt that there was a message here as I marveled at God’s
incredible beauty. Those clouds reflected the nature of life. No
matter where we are, what we’re facing, with time, patience
and awareness, the dark times of our life will float away and reveal
the true essence of who we are, what’s important and the
next right steps. This is life. And, it happens every day, just
like God’s light show.
As I was caught up in the moment and was turning the block, now
facing directly west, I saw the most amazing thing. First a smile,
then a dimple below it, then the indentation of an eye socket,
and then the outline of a nose. I couldn’t escape it. It
was a face. I knew intuitively it was the face of God. I’ve
seen God other times in my dreams and visions, but never like this.
Through the pink, orange and golden yellow clouds I clearly saw
God’s face. It looked more like the smiling face a child
would draw; yet, it was unmistakably God. I asked and God confirmed.
It was true. I asked why and was told that I had asked for a clear
signal. That was true.
That night before turning in to bed I started flipping through
a personal growth, community-type magazine I had picked up earlier
in the day at my acupuncturist’s office. I was looking for
potential advertisers for my radio show. Then I stopped. The headline
said: “Who is God?” It was superimposed over artwork
that ran horizontally across the two pages. There on the right
side was the same face I saw earlier that night, the face of God.
It was the same childlike, simplistic outline; it was the same
smile and dimple in the chin. The only difference between these
two visions of God was that the sky in this artwork was bluish-purple.
The face seemed to be smiling down on the far right column of the
article, pointing to the author’s credits. There in bold
face, her first name was Sandra.
There are no coincidences.
I stopped everything and prayed for my sister, Sandra. I felt God’s healing light and
love stream through me and out across the miles to her. I saw her
enveloped in golden energy. I saw her body fill with loving, healing
energy. I sent her loving thoughts of inner strength, peace and clarity.
I saw her smiling and laughing heartedly. For this hour I totally
let my concerns and issues return to the nothingness from where they
came. My concerns were no concern.
Sandi only told us about two weeks ago that she has known for more
than three months now that she has cancer. It’s in her liver,
lungs and bones. She has her reasons for not telling us. Something
about protecting herself from our feelings and about protecting
us, specifically my Dad, who at 82 and under Hospice care, is facing
his own mortality.
I didn’t call Sandi until the next night when I knew she’d
be home. As usual, she didn’t pick-up the phone, but I left
the message I was told to deliver. She called back several minutes
later. She was angry and indignant. “I know that. I’ll
take my whole inheritance now if I want… Who do you think
you are… I know as much as you….” We got past
that. I spoke strongly, said it didn’t matter if she liked
me or not, if she listened to me or not. I had to speak my truths
that I felt for her. I did and she seemed to calm and speak her
truth. She was scared. It was bigger and more real than she realized.
She was alone. It had spread to her face and stomach. Her doctor
told her the latest test results were stable and they weren’t.
He wanted her to start Chemo and she could barely eat “baby
food.” And, it was time to tell the people at work and quit
work. She spoke in a squeaky voice because her esophagus has also
been affected.
I don’t know how many days, weeks or months my sister may
have. She is my youngest sister, five years younger than me. I
broke the news to my father the next day. Of course, without any
hesitation, he called his broker, liquidated some funds and had
them sent overnight to her - exactly the amount she requested.
But money is not the answer, not even her full inheritance or mine,
although, I would gladly give it to her. It is simply an external
means that mostly bring temporary peace of mind.
I know that all things happen for a reason. And, they never really
happen for the surface reasons we think. And, I’ll save all
this for another time, because God also said to me from the clouds
that night “do not judge.” Hold your thoughts of karma,
anger and forgiveness. What we all need, in illness and health,
in old age and youth, in prosperity and poverty and all stages
in between, is LOVE. And, ultimately everything that we experience
is a lesson in love.
So I ask you to join me in coming from love, rather than judgment,
for yourself and others. No matter what you are facing, no matter
what doubts are resonating within you and/or you are expressing
(or holding back) to others. Stop. Ask yourself, “What message
is God trying to get to me?” Stop for a moment from focusing
on your material, financial and business concerns. What is the
real lesson that God is sending you? Are you listening? Are you
reading the signs? Are you even looking for the signs?
Whatever you are facing is important, but learning about fear,
anger and love are important too. Perhaps you are like me and momentarily
forget now and then what is most important and who you are. The
Universe (God) wants you to remember. The Universe, God always
brings your attention to what is most important. The Universe (God)
is your partner and always helps you remember the most important
thing - that is love. And, when you focus on what the Universe,
God wants, all that you want has a way of turning out better than
you can imagine.
