his year’s hurricanes left many people displaced.
Many lost all or most of their possessions and suffered the loss
of loved ones. In the aftermath of the storms and the recovery,
an overriding sense of loss will pervade most of the people affected. This
can and has already led to great sadness and grief, which can lead
to depression. This can destroy the emotional lives of people.
Grief is an emotional response to a loss. It could be a pet
or dearly loved person through separation or death. It could be
divorce or losing a home or business that had been the dream of
a lifetime.
Reactions to grief vary with the individual and with the level
of importance, the person has attached to the person or thing lost.
For some the grief sneaks up quietly like a thief in the night,
taking not material things, but stealing the very heart from the
unaware. For others grief hits like a sledgehammer, pounding the
very will to live. There will be a wrenching of the soul, sometimes
accompanied by terror. The feelings of confusion, shock, and disbelief
linger like black, ominous clouds, bringing depression, pain, and
even contempt for one’s own life.
The grieving individual may be able to identify feelings of despair,
sadness, anguish, and extreme moments of longing for the past,
either one at a time or simultaneously. The overwhelming feeling
of emotional pain seems to be without end, and often there is an
acute feeling of hopelessness. But for most individuals, time is
a healer.
Each situation is unique depending upon personality differences
and value systems. While one person may truly resolve their grief
in a relatively short time, another may still be “hanging
on” years later. It is the latter individual with whom therapy
is required. What is the relationship involved in the grief
process? How strong were the ties? Is the grief out of proportion
with the relationship?
There is no socially correct or definite pattern for grieving and
the process of healing. The undertaker, for example, will be better
able to confront the loss of a loved one than a bereaved teenager
who has never before had a loss. The loss of distant relatives
and the loss of pets during childhood, aid in learning about grief.
Many learn from their parents and relatives that they MUST grieve
in a dark and despairing way. How and what did you learn about
grief?
Generally, three major phases can be clinically defined. First
comes shock, even when loss is anticipated. Second, comes a period
of disorganization and disorientation. This is where the therapist
can be of great service. Third, either on their own or through
therapy, the grievers begin to reorganize and get on with the rest
of their lives.
At the onset, griever most needs understanding, information and someone to talk
with. Friends and relatives, although seemingly sympathetic, actually get tired
of hearing about “it.” Yet, our most important function is to listen
and ask questions that will encourage the bereaved to get it all out. |
Occasionally, the grievers will dissociate themselves from the
incident to suppress feelings of guilt, rage, or other socially “unacceptable” emotions.
They may have an incredible fear of their own mortality. This could
result in denial and suppression of needed emotions. In order for
an individual to live healthfully, he must move through and out
of the grieving process.
During the period of disorientation, it sometimes seems as though
the individual’s brains are like scrambled eggs. They often
cannot see beyond the very moment and may have difficulty living
in the moment. Part of this may be because they are holding tenaciously
to the past and therefore cannot look into the future. Without
a future, life can be grim.
Two very important processes must happen so that life can go on.
They must begin to disengage the past and start building their
future. One process that works exceedingly well is called Time
Line Therapy. During the time line process, we have the client
release and resolve old issues associated with the grief, brighten
the incident and any associated incidents, then retrieve prior
feelings of wellbeing and bring those feelings into future memories.
Finally, we have the client associate into the future memories,
then dissociate so that the positive feelings generalize in his
life. It also helps the client to further create the future by
moving toward activities that he may have always wanted to do or
has enjoyed previously. In this way, the client looks to the future
rather than the past. It can make all the difference in the world.
In unresolved grief, the terrible feelings attract grieving energies
of earthbound spirits or soul-mind fragments and the situation
will lower the grieving person’s psychic defense system (Guardian
Chi) and attach to them compounding problems that are already there. The
person will then never stop grieving because he is expressing the
grief of the attachment. This can lead to serious problems,
including severe unrelenting depression.
Just treating the grief alone can leave even more important negative
energies behind that can be problematic for the client for years
afterwards. So, if you grieve, make sure that you also check
for attachments so that you are clear and safe for the future.
Dr. Skillas is a Board Certified Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist
and Certified National Guild of Hypnotists (NGH) Hypnotherapy Instructor.
Call 404-252-4540 for details. |
