Years ago, I thought that selflessness meant keeping
so busy serving others that I had no time to think of myself. The
best definition I had heard for"love" was found in the
book THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED. It stated "Love is putting the
needs of another before your own." I had also heard the inspiring
words: "If one will love enough, all will be set free." Striving
to love to that degree, I literally gave myself away, excessively
giving of my time, energy, possessions, and money, allowing myself
to be abused in the process. This is depicted in the book, WOMEN
WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.
Considering myself unworthy, I tried to prove my worth by how much I was needed.
I thought I was walking “The Path of the No Self,” until I dreamed
of standing by a gate while buzzards picked at my skin until I was nothing but
a skeleton. Where had I failed?
Praying to understand my dream, I was overshadowed by the Ascended Master, Saint
Germain, who said: “Avoid being too busy serving others to serve the God
within.” This allowed the realization that I was to strike a balance between
serving the inner and outer realms. Although I thought I was being selfless,
I had served by myself, without engaging God. My human-ego-personality self had
merely given itself away to serve other human-ego-personality selves. I had been
such a “do-gooder” that I had litttle or no time to pray and meditate.
Still too timid to stand up for my rights, I read a book on “assertiveness.” I
learned to make “I statements” stating how I feel, think, believe,
etc. (the book warned against making “you” statements, which fall
into the realm of blame). I found this very helpful, but what opened my eyes
even more was the book’s suggestion that after someone has listened to
our assertive statements, we in turn are to be an “assertive listener.” Shortly
after that, I was told by the Ascended Master Lord Lanto: “Listen inwardly.
Your intuitive hearing is an ear with which to hear the inner voice. Silence
is the greatest of all teachers, only the listening heart can become selfless.”
I added this to my method of serving, and while listening to others, found that
I could expand to become them, we were one. I wondered if selflessness meant
blending or losing one’s self within others to become “no self.” Wrong
again.
Striving to balance and apply these various teachings, I heard about the importance
of “self empowerment.” At first this seemed confusing. How can we
become selfless if we empower the aspect of self?
While pondering this thought, Saint Germain said: “Get yourself out of
the way so the Light can flow through you.” This opened still another avenue.
I saw that our human-ego-personality self isn’t the source of empowerment.
It is merely a veil through which the Inner, Divine Self flows. I inerpreted
that to mean that we lose ourselves in the greater power. With a sense of humility,
I stepped aside, thinking “I of myself can do nothing.” This attitude
allowed me to feel a sense of oneness with the energy that blazed through me.
I slowly began to stand up for my rights because I didn’t want others to
abuse that portion of God that was within me.
One day when someone called me for a healing, Saint Germain intervened saying “Stand
firm. Project a radiation of Light; be God where you are. It is not your physical
vehicle but the energy radiated that renders assistance.” From the on,
I grasped the concept of being a “Co-Creator.” Thinking along these
lines, I formulated a special prayer
Father help me in all that I do
To be less of me and more of You
Help me to push myself aside
Help me to transcend ego and pride
Thinking I had finally found the secret of selflessness, I became a metaphysical
minister/counselor/”Light Worker,” built a church, and for the next
thirty years let the Light flow through me to people, countries, the planet,
the Deva and Elemental Kingdoms, and everything and everyone. I taught classes,
put out a newsletter, and wrote several books. I was totally convinced that this
stepping aside to allow the Light to flow through us was all there was to being
selfless. Again, I was wrong, for this is only a portion of the process. I had
merely avoided dealing with outer life by hiding in a big cave called "religion."
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A few years after my retirement, my husband developed a health
problem which limited our outings. My elderly mother then came
to live with us. Suddenly, I found myself house-bound. I didn’t
mind it at first, for it gave me time to catch up on things and
to write another couple of books.
But into the second year, as their needs increased and they began to rely on
me for their only source of moral support as well as their entertainment, I felt
overpowered. I mourned the loss of the spiritual gatherings and family functions
that I could no longer attend, the places I could no longer visit, and the projects
that I could no longer pursue. In my state of disempowerment, I felt that I was
becoming a non person, slowly disappearing. I needed time out to be myself, but
that thought made me feel guilty. Not knowing what to do I prayed fervently.
The next night, I had an unusual dream. I was taken to a Celtic Fair that consisted
of many booths. Each booth represented one person and was decorated to depict
their individualized self. Each person was wearing a garmet or costume to display
their uniqueness. I was asked by my guide: “What would you wear and how
would you decorate a booth to represent yourself?”
I was at a loss to answer. Finally, I replied: “I’ve spent my entire
life striving to be selfless, to serve others, to step aside so the divine could
flow through me. Therefore, I’m disengaged from my individuality.”The
being proclaimed sweetly, but sternly: “You may see it that way, but you
have spent your entire life being a victim. You do not feel worthy enough to
honor yourself. God sends out sparks of His Divine Being to develop into a distinct
persona. When it is time for the “in breathing” that brings the sparks
back to His Heart, each one will act as one of His Divine Qualities. His purpose
is to expand His Diversity. Be true to yourself by developing and having your
quality. Don’t hide from the world. Go forth and spiritualize matter.”
Not knowing how to proceed, I meditated and was told by my Higher Self “Hire
a sitter for your husband and mother one day a week. Be yourself while you are
out. Balance self-giving with self-receiving. As you love and honor the uniqueness
in yourself, you can better love and hoor it in others. Only then can you be
of greater service.” I realized that serving the “needs” of
others does not mean serving their every whim or desire. Allowing others to monopolize
you is harmful to both parties.
With much deliberation, I decided what I would wear and how I would decorate
my booth at a Celtic Fair. We are all in embodiment to glean the uniqueness of
our individual self, with a little “s,” then to blend it with our
greater Self, with a capital “S.” We are not to kill the ego, to
give it away or to lose it in others or even in God, but to blend its uniqueness
with Him. In this manner we become selfless, for we become “God in Action” in
human form. With this in mind, I formulated a new prayer:
Father, let us co-create together,
let transmutation be our endeavor
Let’s cleanse the planet and set mankind free,
by showing them how to live selflessly
See and honor the uniqueness in yourself. You are destined to become a Divine
Quality of God.
Dorothy Leon has written seven spiritual books. She may be reached at 541-475-8088
or c/o Anchor of the Golden Light, P.O. Box 2773, OR 97528
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