How many times did I hear my mother say, “I don’t want
anybody looking at my “stuff”? Even in the
final stages of Alzheimers, she wouldn’t allow anyone in to
clean the filthy house because she didn’t want anyone seeing
her “stuff”. No matter how many times I got her
to agree, later she would come out with an emphatic “no”. Absolutely,
noone could come in to clean her house, not even me.
As with many elderly, her stuff was made up of old gift boxes,
stacked and tied with string, Christmas and all occasion wrap
that would never be used, old postcards, magazines and playbills
from plays she had seen in the 50’s and 60’s plus various and sundry
other things that no one else on earth would want or would want
to even “See”.
So, when Jeane passed away, the house remained as it had for
many years, filled to the brim with useless and needless “stuff”.
Being an only child, the chore fell to me to clean out the house
before it could be sold. Knowing that she did have dementia
meant that I needed to look at each and every piece of paper, for
she could have and might have hidden something from herself and
others. Fortunately, I had a dear friend that offered to help
me and together we flew to Kentucky to begin the cleaning
out process of my family home.
We checked into a small hotel nearby knowing that in the morning
we would begin the tedious process of looking through each and
every thing in that house. As we prepared for bed, she carefully
placed her glasses in the top drawer of the chest, closed the drawer
and went to bed.
The next morning we arose, showered and got ready to go for breakfast
when I heard my friend frantically searching through the room
for her glasses. I joined in and we searched the entire room,
emptied the top dresser drawer 3 times and still we couldn’t
find her glasses. She was distraught as she didn’t
have her contacts with her so she was rendered pretty much blind.
But, we decided to go on to breakfast and try to find a solution
later. After eating, we returned to the room to get things
together before making the short trip to the house when lo and behold, she
opened the top drawer of the dresser and there were her glasses
exactly where she had placed them the night before.
I began laughing so hard that I could barely explain to my friend,
knowing that my mom had hidden them from her. There was no
way she would be able to see “Jeane’s Stuff” without
her glasses. What a sense of humor my mother had.
Yes, my mom was working from the other side and was still
in control of her home and her “stuff” and who was or
was not going to ‘see’ it.
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I was lying in bed on a Friday night feeling really miserable
and pretty much hopeless. I could barely speak because of my progressively
increasing laryngitis, swallowing hurt like hell, my head was full
of mucous; and I was going into coughing fits every time I blew
my swollen, bleeding nose. I reached for my zip lock bag of homeopathics
and proceeded to take my many remedies.
After years of study in the field of alternative medicine I was
pretty adept at treating most commonplace maladies. I could “feel”
that it was a bad case of strep that was plaguing me and I had been
busy all week taking herbal, homeopathic, vitamin, flower essence
and nutritional remedies. I was weak and so tired I couldn’t
even make a fist. It was then that I had my turn around. In that
moment of total weakness, I realized I just wasn’t strong
enough to deal with that powerful strep bacteria. And in that moment
of depressive despair, I decided I needed antibiotics! So be it!
I started to feel a little bit better. By the time I got back from
the pharmacy, both my head and throat had noticeably improved. It
felt like a shift, what I had been waiting for. I was thrilled and
decided to hold off on the antibiotics until the next day.
It felt like it had been highly significant for me to acknowledge
that the strep bacteria was greater than me. I realized that it
didn’t really matter if I needed to take the antibiotics or
not, my whole attitude and perception of my illness was shifting.
My consciousness was expanding and surprising me with new ways of
seeing. I still hoped I wouldn’t have to take the antibiotics,
and then I realized that that 0hope was totally ego based. And then
I realized there was a lot more happening here.
And all throughout that night and into the dawn hours of the next
day, my humbled psyche was awed by the wisdom of the single minded,
microorganism consciousness within my body. Here’s what they
had to say…
There is a macrocosm, which consists of the whole body including
the personality or ego The spiritual soul is the foundation, core
essence, the source energy from which the very space of the macrocosm
springs. Within this realm, the macrocosm appears to be fairly united
in perceiving itself and its environment as if it were living within
a system of separation. There is much difficulty within the macrocosm
to find unity, oneness or even connectedness within itself, reality,
and by natural extension, within the creation and the universe.
We dwell within primordial matter, and we have been here from the
beginning of the creation. We are the closest beings within physical
manifestation to the original creation. We follow the natural laws
and ways of the Creator. We know no separation or division. We are
one and whole. Our lives are governed by an eternal, boundless,
ever expanding order of symbiosis. We are one and many living together
in harmony and balance. We have overcome the opposite pull within
us. We are the bacteria, viruses, probiotics, fungi and yeast, to
name only a few among us, that you perceive either as lethal or
beneficial or simply unknown.
The need for a world based upon symbiotic relationships is obvious.
The need for a harmonious, balanced society that respects diversity
of all life is critical. The macrocosm knows these things yet finds
itself helpless and oftentimes clueless as to how to manifest them
in the world. We can help. We can offer our social structure as
a model. All we ask is that you listen.
I was feeling pretty overwhelmed yet I knew this was one of those
threshold moments and there was no turning back. I was starting
to cough up some yellowish green mucous, and I could “feel”
the strep wanting to settle into my system. Nope, I wasn’t
just kidding when I felt that this strep bacteria was stronger than
me.
For me, taking antibiotics was a big, major deal that I dreaded
like the plague. But so be it. I resigned myself to my fate and
proceeded to address the unseen micro nation within my body. I told
it that I had decided I needed the antibiotics and that this was
its last chance to restore the balance on its own. I pledged my
firm commitment to restore all the microorganisms within me.
I could feel that the unseen micro nation wasn’t about to
let me off the hook. I started to take antibiotics without any regret.
It wasn’t because I condoned taking them unless nothing else
worked. It’s just that I realized that what was really important
was my communication with the unseen micro nation inside my body.
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